A geek with a dreamer's mind

Like every Wednesday, today I had a 15 minute video chat through MSN with my English teacher, Bob. The class is about « e-culture and communication », which leads us to discuss each week related topics through videos, blog posts and MSN video chats. This guy took the traditional English course a bit further by making us use technology. My colleagues and I only met Bob once, during the first class. Since then, we’ve only communicated with him through MSN video chats. I’ve never had a multimedia class like that before! Can you imagine? But, come on, we’re in France, which means that in the field of technology, we’re quite retarded, especially in schools and universities.

Anyway, back to this afternoon. Despite my usual laziness, I challenged the general transport strike and succeeded in going to Neuilly, where I’m studying (preparing a Master 2 entitled « Informatized media and communication strategies »; sorry I haven’t come up with a better translation). Since I haven’t been attending university for, like, 5 days because of the strike, I thought it was time for me to give it a try. And I made it! Thus I attended Bob’s course, with 4 colleagues of mine, which made us a total of 5 students instead of the 13 usually attending. I guess the 8 others attended the course at home, good for them.

Let’s go back to what I wanted to say first. I had this one-to-one video chat with Bob, as on every Wednesday. I’ve had his course for about a month, maybe 5 weeks, and it happened we actually talked about serious topics, such as transparency on the Internet. I told him about my two-side personnality, the fact I don’t necessarily want the people I see in my daily life to know about this blog, for example, or to freak out if they saw my photomanips. I’m afraid of the bad image I could give through this « second life ».

When I first launched my first website, I kind of wrote a blog (but at that time the word « blog » didn’t existed yet) about how bad I felt in my awful privileged teen life. In some way, writing these thoughts was liberating me – in fact I think it’s not only the fact of writing them who was liberating, but the fact to actually publish them, throwing the bottle in the sea and see what happens. I had been writing this blog for two years, until my site got enough audience for the link to this imaginary, intimate, anonymous audience to break. And this is an issue I’ve often dealt with with my actual blog: when you publish something on the Internet, it can be read by anyone. Your mom, your dad, your little sister, your teacher, your boss, your ex, your work colleagues, your ennemy, anyone. Especially by the one you would have never imagined he/she was reading it. Keeping that in mind while writing can be alienating if you don’t feel comfortable with who you are and thus with what you are writing. It can be, too, if you feel like what you write is something you’d prefer to hide.

Today, Bob called me « a geek with a dreamer’s mind« . I was wordless when he said that. Life merely consists in meeting a lot of people among who exist a very few you sincerely bind with. May it be emotionally, intellectually – in fact I do link both sides with each other. In my short life, I was lucky to meet these rare but great few who actually teach you something which goes beyond anything you could have imagined. The fact that this guy saw through me so easily, thanks to the three videos I made introducing myself and my two-side complex (so to speak) and to the numerous video chats we had, well, it simply amazed me. I’ve been seeing many people – relatives, friends, virtual friends, colleagues, bosses, teachers, and so on – who most of the time were just not interested by who I am, that I got somewhat used to the fact I am another-girl-in-your-life. And, you know what? I’m perfectly fine with this.

But when you happen to meet someone who you can bind with on some topics, well, it’s really something thrilling. Even though you don’t really know this person and probably never will – it’s just the moment that matters, and what you learnt from it. It can be a small or a big revelation; in all cases, I bet all of you, dear readers, can still name those who really did help in your life, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.

I realized I couldn’t have come up with a better description of myself alone. A geek with a dreamer’s mind. I think that I found what this blog is about, at last.

In the end, Bob told me I should reunite the two selves. Reconciliate the two Maries (doesn’t that sound familiar?), be proud of what I am and what I’m sharing on the Internet, because there’s nothing negative nor to hide. Transparency is Internet’s major feature. You’d better get used to it now or never share anything with anyone through it…